I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
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i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
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In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
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