i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
