he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Randomize
