then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
