the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Randomize
