So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
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