clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
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