Define "chronic" masturbator.
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
Randomize
