i think my mom watched the whole time
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
and she was petting her beer can
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
