I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
A+ Viking dick
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
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