my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Randomize
