Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
Randomize
