she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Randomize
