you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
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