We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
Randomize
