I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
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