This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
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