I see my mary-anne walkin' awa-y-y! Bow Nahw now new, ne ne ne ne ne, ne ne nehw, ne ne new new Nah dan ah bwawn-now, ba bwan'll buh dada bwiddly doo.
That was supposed to be me air guitaring the solo from More than A Feeling
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
Randomize
