Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
Randomize
