I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
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