I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Randomize
