he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
