I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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