I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
Randomize
