i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
