Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
