He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
Boobs speak an international language.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Randomize
