I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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