Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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