Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Randomize
