wat bout pragnant strippers??
i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
Randomize
