Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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