I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Randomize
