I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
