I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
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