Need sex. Gaining weight.
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
Randomize
