she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
i came on her dog
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
Randomize
