I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
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