i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
school has made you so classy.
that's mcgill. producing sluts since 1884.
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
Randomize
