In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Randomize
