I don't remember. Are we still dating?
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
Randomize
