im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
