Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Randomize
