god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Randomize
