On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
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