I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
Randomize
