I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
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