I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
where am i from again
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
