Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
Randomize
