Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
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