He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Randomize
