I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Randomize