I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
