so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
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