Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
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